[Tribal Council]

JEFF PROBST: Welcome back to Survivor 3.01: The Yukon. Torgo and Eulabelle have endured the ordeal of facing the Jury, and the votes have been cast. It is now time to tally the votes, to determine who will win one million dollars, and the title of Survivor. I’ll read the votes.

The first vote: Eulabelle.
Second vote: Torgo. That’s one for each.
Third vote: Eulabelle.
Fourth vote: Torgo. That’s two for Torgo, two for Eulabelle.
The fifth vote: Torgo. Torgo, you need just one more vote.
The Sixth vote: The winner of Survivor 3.01: The Yukon: Torgo.

[There is a sudden burst of applause, which swells into a roar. The lights come up, and the camera pulls back to reveal that the final act of this drama has taken place inside a television studio. We see a close-up of three women in diaphanous white gowns; the caption at the bottom of the screen indicates that this is “Torgo’s Family”. One of them waves a placard reading, “WE (heart) U, TORGO!”. Torgo leaps to his feet, pumping his fists in the air. In the pandemonium, Jeff Probst extinguishes the final torch, that belonging to Eulabelle, and slips away unnoticed.]

TORGO: Woo… HOO! The… MASTER… No. No… I… I… am… PLEASED!

BRYANT GUMBEL: Good evening, everyone. I’m Bryant Gumbel, and welcome to the final chapter in a saga that began thirty-nine days ago, reaching its climax just now, here in Los Angeles. Torgo, the caretaker from El Paso, Texas, has just been named the winner of Survivor 3.01: The Yukon. Congratulations, Torgo.

TORGO: THANK… you, BRYANT. Thank… YOU… everyone.

BRYANT GUMBEL: Now, let’s bring in the other seven Survivors, who were not part of the Jury. Anne, Vivian, Warren, Madame Estrella, Lobo, Kitten, and Glen. [They rush in as their names are called, and join the rest of the group in congratulating Torgo.] We’ll hear more from you later, Torgo. Let’s give you a chance to catch your breath. Eulabelle: Disappointed?

EULABELLE: Well, somewhat, of course. But I did the best I could, mon, and in the end, the better person won.

BRYANT GUMBEL: I guess the first question would be, “Why Torgo”? Why did you choose to go up against Torgo at the end, instead of Mickey?

EULABELLE: I didn’t think I could easily win against either one, and I thought Torgo was more deserving. Despite what you may have thought, Mickey was actually really well-liked by the others. Except for Georgia. And probably Roger. And Melissa and B. Oh, hell.

BRYANT GUMBEL: That brings up an interesting point. Mickey, would you say that you were portrayed fairly in the series?

MICKEY: No, not at all, Bryant. I came off as a blithering idiot, repeating everything two or three times. Like a moron. They showed me doing that over and over again. I rarely do that. Hardly ever.

BRYANT GUMBEL: How about you, Roger? At the beginning of the series, you were portrayed as an ill-tempered redneck, but towards the end, you seemed more like a witless, inarticulate bumpkin. Which is more accurate?

ROGER: Ah resents the question, Ah tell yew what! People think that just ‘cause a man’s from Miss’ippi, he’s got a inferior mind. Now, there was times when Ah mighta looked like a jackass in overalls, but that ain’t no passel o’ coon gizzards up the shiny side o’ the swamp, Ah tell yew what.

MR. B NATURAL: Roger’s right, I think. A lot of us were portrayed badly.

BRYANT GUMBEL: Go ahead, Mr. B Natural.

MR. B NATURAL: Well, the main reason I wanted to be a Survivor was to enlighten people. I knew I’d never win, but I wanted to prove a point. Because I see all these music sprites on TV, and they’re all stereotypes. I’m not like that at all. But still, I came off as some sort of raging queen! It’s because everyone is against me. And everyone hates me. Especially Neil.

BRYANT GUMBEL: Is that true, Neil? Do you hate B?

NEIL: “Hate” is probably not the right word for it. I acknowledge his existence, and I admit that he and I have different views on things. B’s kind of like a moth buzzing around a light bulb. It’s annoying, but you know that eventually, he’ll get fried on the bulb, or drop dead from exhaustion, and your problem’s gone. You don’t hate the moth; you just put up with it for as long as you have to.

BRYANT GUMBEL: I’m curious about what exactly motivates someone to want to be part of this competition. B has already admitted he didn’t think he could win, and surely that’s true for a lot of you. Take Anne, for example. A mousy, depressed housewife living in a trailer park. Anne, you were the first person voted out. Did you seriously think you could win this thing?

ANNE: No. Not really. I was in the Yukon for three long days, and frankly, I was glad to leave. I only went because I wanted a change. God, my life is so suffocating.

BRYANT GUMBEL: What about you, Warren? You’re a successful businessman. Not a lot to gain, from a financial perspective. Why did you play?

WARREN: Hey, a million bucks is a million bucks. And do you know how car sales are doing lately? Let me show you this graph…

BRYANT GUMBEL: How about you, Vivian? By all accounts, you live in a fantasy world of fairy princesses, handsome rogues, and love triumphing over evil. Why did you enter the contest?

VIVIAN: I had it all mapped out, sort of a screenplay of the mind, if you will. And in my screenplay, the beautiful ingenue would stand at the end with her champion, agreeing to split the prize, and living happily ever after. I lasted six days, sick the whole time.

BRYANT GUMBEL: On the other side of the coin, some of you were early favorites to win the Game, but went out surprisingly early. Was it mistakes that you made? Lobo?

LOBO: Lobo make one mistake in Yukon. Lobo split his Tribe into two factions, too early. Lobo come off as devious. Lobo could have corrected situation, but Lobo not think clearly. Lobo eat psychoactive mushrooms. Lobo make two mistakes in Yukon.

BRYANT GUMBEL: What about you, Glen? When the Game started, you were sixty feet tall. Certainly you possessed a physical advantage.

GLEN: Yes. I’m a giant FREAK, is that what you’re saying? Everyone come and stare at the FREAK!

BRYANT GUMBEL: What I mean is, what went wrong?

GLEN: My mistake was not crushing the rest of them, like insects, when I had the chance. [Glen laughs, spasmodically.] No, that’s just a little joke of mine. I wouldn’t have done that. Even though it would have been so easy; almost as if by accident. They kept getting smaller, and smaller, every day…

BRYANT GUMBEL: Now, it wouldn’t be Survivor, without a little controversy. Early in the Game, we found out that “Carmelita” was actually a Hungarian national named Madame Estrella. In the country illegally, I believe. Tell us a little about your experiences playing the Game, Madame Estrella.

MADAME ESTRELLA: Well…

[Just as she starts to speak, three burly agents with ‘INS’ printed on the back of their jackets rush the stage, and haul her away.]

BRYANT GUMBEL: Kitten, was the Game as difficult as you thought it would be, or more so?

KITTEN: I went out there looking for kicks, you know? I thought I’d have a creamy time, and maybe win a million bucks. (Sobbing) But the scene was totally plastic, and I got stuck with a bunch of big smoky squares painted blue!

BRYANT GUMBEL: What do you think, Melissa; was the Game harder than you thought it would be?

MELISSA: …

BRYANT GUMBEL: We’ll get back to you. Ruby?

RUBY: I thought it would be great. I thought I had a captive audience, and that I’d wow ‘em every night with my dance routine. As it turned out, everyone was always either in a bad mood from Tribal Council, or getting into a bad mood thinking about the next Tribal Council.

BRYANT GUMBEL: We haven’t heard from Georgia, yet. Georgia, you were widely perceived to be the stable, brainy one of the group. What are your thoughts on all this?

GEORGIA: Well, I lasted thirty-six days. Which to me indicates that emotional stability and smart playing will only take you so far. You also need a little luck. I’ve never been particularly lucky.

BRYANT GUMBEL: Here’s an interesting note: Eulabelle, who came in second, was actually a last-minute substitute.

EULABELLE: That’s right. I guess there was this woman named Jan DuPan, or something. She sort of had to bow out at the last minute, and I took her place.

BRYANT GUMBEL: Torgo, we started with you, now you’ll have the last words. What are you planning to do with the million dollars? I’m thinking knee surgery, voice lessons…

TORGO: No… these… THINGS… are part of… WHO… I am. I can’t… CHANGE… that.

BRYANT GUMBEL: But there are big changes ahead for you.

TORGO: Yes… I am… FREE… of the… MASTER. He no longer… HOLDS… any POWER… over me.

BRYANT GUMBEL: You mentioned in Tribal Council that you’d like to start a baseball camp for underprivileged kids. Are you still planning on doing that?

TORGO: YES… Bryant. I’ve… HAD… my eyes… ON… a nice piece of… LAND… outside of… CORPUS… Christi. I’ll… BUILD… the camp… THERE. I hope to… KEEP… the… KIDS… from taking the… WRONG… path, as I DID.

BRYANT GUMBEL: Sounds like a dream come true. All of our best wishes go with you, Torgo. And now, one final look at the cast of Survivor 3.01. Hit it, Satchmo.

[The obligatory Louis Armstrong song is played, over which we see somewhat gauzy, slow-motion clips of the Survivors]:

“I see fields of green, red roses, too. (ANNE, looking worried)
I see them bloom for me and you. (VIVIAN, pukin’ in the Yukon)
And I think to myself, (WARREN, explaining a pie chart to the rest of his Tribe)
What a wonderful world. (MADAME ESTRELLA, trying to hug Kitten)

“I see skies of blue, and clouds of white. (LOBO, smashing an igloo with his head)
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night. (KITTEN, with a tick)
And I think to myself, (GLEN, menacing the rescue plane)
What a wonderful world. (MELISSA, pointing out where the fish lives)

“The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky (MR. B NATURAL, playing his flute)
Are also on the faces of the people going by. (NEIL, making a point about grass seed)
I see friends shaking hands, and saying “How do you do?” (RUBY, flirting with Neil, Roger, and Jeff)
They’re really saying, “I love you”. (GEORGIA, choking down a caribou colon)

“I hear babies crying, I watch them grow. (ROGER, yelling at Glen)
They’ll learn more than I’ll ever know. (MICKEY, holding two ice blocks and dropping the third)
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world. (EULABELLE, sticking a pin in a Roger doll)
Yes, I think to myself, (TORGO, setting his hand on fire)
What a wonderful world.” (TORGO, leaping to his feet, when he is named the Winner)


BRYANT GUMBEL: From all of us at Survivor, thank you for joining us, and good night.




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